Sometimes I can't even remember how mom used to be...the sound of her voice and her laughter.
Today when I went to see her I don't even think she knew who I was, I am not seeing that spark of recognition anymore. She can't feed herself and can barely hold a glass when it is given to her, her foods are pureed so she can swallow them. She is eating and drinking less. The sores on her feet are not healing...the infection is gone..but in her condition they will probably never heal. She can't walk, nor sit in a regular wheelchair. Her body is shutting down, little by little. She is off all medications...just tylenol occasionally for discomfort, which is a hard call too since you just have to read the look on her face. For the most part she is comfortable and being well taken care of. It is getting harder and harder for me to see her in this state but I feel like I need to be there for her, to make sure she is 'okay'. Sometimes she is awake when I go see her, so I sit with her and visit, other times she is sleeping so I just tell her I love her and leave.